The other thing Sarah didn’t mention is that the date on the monument is wrong. The monument claims Washington became president on March 4, when in fact he was inaugurated on the 30^th of April. Nobody noticed this for years. Lots of years. The monument was completed between 1815 and 1829 and it wasn’t until 1985 that someone noticed the mistake.

That someone was the Amazing Memory Man, Phil Easter. Now, Easter is sort of an odd character. He’s in his fifties, I’d say, with an easy smile and a friendly demeanor. When we met he told me the story of the monument and later buzzed through a list of interrelated dates and historical events that would max out the memory on some hard drives. His memory is amazing. He’s got a fascination with the monument and why the city hasn’t corrected it even though he’s informed them. 

That’s one part of the situation I think I understand better than Easter. Since we’re on break-neck pace to be the murder capital of the country once again, city officials can probably be excused for spending their time elsewhere. Though it’s not like they’re being successful in dealing with the murder rate either. Come on, Sheila, kids are going to start joining the army and going to Iraq just to stay safe. In Baltimore the city’s not run by bureaucracy, it’s run by mediocrity.

Check out Easter’s website for an interesting glimpse at a very interesting man, and if you ever meet him, ask him what happened on your birthday. He’ll have something interesting for you for sure. There’s just one thing I can’t figure out. What’s he do for a living?

“Smile Hon, you’re in Baltimore,” is a zine of fiction and non-fiction produced by William P. Tandy of Eight Stone Press. It’s full of pictures of the city and well-written pieces that are just a little weird. But Baltimore also has it’s beauty, and that comes through a bit in every issue, even the very popular annual “infestation” issue, which focuses on the rodents that scamper through B-more.

You should buy a copy, if only so that when people ask “What was Baltimore like?” you can hand them “Smile Hon” and say “This is what Baltimore is like. A little weird, a little beautiful, not too serious about itself, and pretty fun to visit.”

“Smile Hon” is available at super-cool Atomic Books (which deserves a post of its own), as well as some spots outside of Charm City. You can find out more at www.EightStonePress.com.

Without the stage or the mic, a few denizens of Honfest still mangled words as eloquently as the MC. “Their” became “dare,” “wash” became “warsh,” and “Baltimore” became, of course, “Bawlmer.”

Ladies outside the dunk tank paraded their friend’s State Police badge and shouted at passersby to get their revenge on the cops by dunking their friend. Vendors hawked every variation of fried food and frozen sugar, and nearly every store had great sales.

If Honfest has a darkside it’s simply the grandiosity and sugar-coating that has taken over 36^th street. Every shop on the street is wonderful, but the old Hampden Festival that got kicked out and forgotten (and that supported the Hampden Rec Center) was probably wonderful in its own way too, and maybe an even better place to see the real hons.

But what is a real hon? Isn’t a hon a stereotype, and what stereotype is ever good?

I think it’s wonderful to have a festival, however campy, that celebrates looking different. The best hon is not the skinniest, tannest, most carefully made up woman in the crowd. A Hon is a stereotype but it’s not the one women struggle to match every day, and it champions a lifestyle that’s not on TV, that might not be ideal but can still be something to be proud of. It’s important to remember, when every billboard and magazine cover looks exactly the same, that most of us don’t.

Registration is still open for both runs (there’s a three mile run too). Online registration ends today, but you can still register in person both at the race and at their little kiosky thing in Harborplace beforehand. Tons of info on such details can be found at their website:

http://www.activesurvivor.org/programs/index.cfm?p=sh7&s=faq

James Joyce is fake old, but a beautiful fake old. The design of the bar is perfect for groups of three or four to cluster amongst themselves and talk. The wooden partitions, however, make it a tough place for larger groups to feel together.

There are a few TV’s, but not enough to ruin the feel, and on them play suitable sports for an Irish bar, like soccer and rugby.

I wonder if James Joyce is trying too hard to feel like an ex-pat spot for recent Irish immigrants. I know when I was there on Thursday night most of the crowd seemed like older Americans from the Marriot around the corner. Not exactly fresh-off-the-boat, nor interested in the soccer or pounding a shot of any one of the eight or ten Irish whiskies available.

But I don’t need authentic Irish people to enjoy James Joyce. The drinks were excellent (as are the wings. Not intuitive, but true), the company was good, and the place smells very nice.

Hours: 11am – 2am, 7 days a week.

Location: 616 S. President Street, by the new Marriot Waterfront.

Very sweet webpage: http://thejamesjoycepub.com/default.html

Start by exploring weather, climate, and the world.  Witness a miniature tornado or shape sand dunes by controlling the wind.  See if you can catch a blue crab on camera.  Then mosey on back to dig for dinosaurs, assemble a skeleton, learn from one of may informational and entertaining videos.  Read about Astrodon johnstoni, Maryland's state dinosaur.  Or, if that doesn't suit you, color or create your own dinosaur!

Now stop in the lobby for some popcorn before settling in to view one of the many current IMAX movies showing at the Science Center.  After the credits roll, head into Newton's Alley to experiment with all things Physics.  Lift yourself with pulleys, have a bubble race, learn about heat, light, and sound.  You could spend hours in here.

When Physics has worn you out, go upstairs to learn about your senses, the gross inner workings of your body, and what diseases you.  Assess your own health wisdom along the way.

Next, venture into the outer reaches of the unknown.  Learn about space travel and the solar system, dress like an astronaut for a photo op, build your own moon rover.  You'll be busy!  Head into the planetarium for the big show for a rest.

If you purchase the extra ticket, check out the special exhibit in the Legg Mason gallery - it is sure to be amusing!  Catch a free show on the demo stage and go on up to the 3^rd floor if you have little kids in tow.

Before you leave, stop for a snack in Beaker's Café (delicious!) and browse the giftshop for a souvenir.  If you didn't see it all, come back soon!  Things are always changing.

The Maryland Science Center is located on Key Highway in the Inner Harbor.  For information and pricing, visit http://www.mdsci.org/.

1) Take your time!  There is a lot to see, but you will miss many hidden gems and quirky fish behaviors if you barrel through.  Read the signs as you go too - it will greatly enrich your experience.

2) Remember - glass reflects light.  Mind the flash when taking pictures.  If you can adjust your camera settings so that you don't have to use the flash, that would be best.  Otherwise, get close to the class and shoot at an angle.  Rather than hogging all the room in front of an exhibit trying to get just the right pictures of that critter, take a picture of its name up above and do a google image search when you get home - you'll be happier, and so will the other guests.

3)  Watch the rays swim from above AND below for at least 5 minutes.  Their beauty and grace will soothe your nerves.

4)  Try to convince yourself that Lookdowns (those tinfoil fish) are really 3 dimensional.  Attempt to make the puffers blow up.  Mimic the parrotfish.  Try to find the octopus.

5) Spend time in the rainforest looking for large and small birds - they hide well.  Also keep your eye out for the tamarins in the Amazon enclosure.  The aquarium hosts neat non-aquatic creatures too!

Above all else, marvel at the beauty and diversity present in our oceans, rivers, and lakes.  It may not last long!

The National Aquarium is located on Pratt in the Inner Harbor.
Map it!