Well one of the most important things about going to a city is knowing how to get from A to B.

Glasgow has a fairly good bus service that is not too expensive, I believe that any street crime you get to see is included in the price.

our underground system is also a wonderful thing to behold at the rush hours, like a massive game of sardines, these trains will be able to take you more or less where you want to go, and a number of stops will leave you in places that you don't

Trains, I dunno, I never use the trains in Glasgow, not just because like most UK trains they are ugly, dirty, disgusting, slow and unreliable not to mention expensive but I do admit that these are factors.

The Taxi service is second to none for the ability to rip you off, but they do actually know where they are going (more or less).

for more useful information go to SPT.

So I went to the Kibble Palace in The Botanic gardens.

What I expected was a giant greenhouse. Not quite of the same species that your next-door neighbour has (the one with tomatoes and that badly hidden marijuana plant in it), but a greenhouse none the less.

But even I have to admit that I was interested at the sheer size of the place, this is one of the UK's biggest Glass houses, built in 1873 and covering an area of 2137 sq m and containing a vast collection of plants from all over the world. It has also just re-opened after three years from a multi-million pound restoration seeing it dismantled repaired somewhere down south and then put back together again by Mechano enthusiasts.

But please do visit the Botanic Gardens, I may have the attention span of a brain damaged Goldfish but I can say that going back is on my list because it was very nice and other people would be interested.

 So I continued to walk and observe the city around me.

I would love to have been a fly on the wall when the city planners were trying to decide on a street of office buildings.

"John what we need is vision, any suggestions?"

"Hmmm, well lets look at it from the seasons."

"What, Winter and May?"

"No, no. The four seasons that everyone else gets."

"Right, well In the Winter time I see for this street... A cross between an ice rink and a ski slope!"

"Genius! Go on."

"Well I think we can merge Spring and Autumn together, I see - yes. White water rapids and people looking ashen faced."

"Whoa! This is gold!"

"And in the summer. (Dramatic pause) Slaves in the movie 'Ben Hur' dying of exhaustion."

 I like to think that this is how my city was put together, but I get the awful feeling that it all just happened by accident.

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Well to be honest with you I was looking forward very much to destroying this place with lots and lots of very nasty words. but the problem is the place gets four stars in my book. It would have got five but the waiter was better looking than me and I'm petty that way.

from what I gathered from the website they also have a good selection of wines too, if you are that way inclined. Personally I prefer my wine to be cheap, cheerless, of uncertain origin and possibly contaminated with Anti-Freeze.

Go and enjoy some food that is farmed in a sustainable, organic and conscientious way.

Also, you may want to have a walk round the corner to Woodlands Road where they have a shop selling not only whole foods (I don't have any idea what this means at all, as far as I can tell food seems to be fairly complete when I buy it from other shops... but I digress), they also sell beauty and cleaning products that are not only natural but also have the benefit of being good for the environment. (Don't ask me if they work, given the chance I would use DDT to get rid of some flies and as for my carbon footprint! - There are countries in the developed world who are better than me.)

Well as always folks please feel free to comment and ask me anything you want and I will feel free to ignore those I can't answer.

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Now my plan here is to tell you about areas of the city as I see them and tell you all the best places to go - I also plan to tell you about places so bad they have to seen to be believed.

So, OK time to start and I choose the West End.

Now this area has a reputation of being the trendy part of Glasgow, containing good pubs, clubs, shops, cafes, museums... ad infinitum (ad Nauseum). It is also student central with the University of Glasgow in the centre of it all.

But the true reason that I have decided to start with this is simple, I live there, also I happen to be too lazy to go anywhere else at the moment.

So over the next few weeks I will be telling you about all that's worthwhile in Glasgow's West End.

 My system for rating things is very simple and easy to understand and you can rest assured that I will give a full and comprehensive critique as well as the star system.

• 1 Star; Suicide is now the only option because...
• 2 Stars; Bad, like how your liver feels after a great night.
• 3 Stars; Average, passable, easy to ignore, like prime time TV.
• 4 Stars; very good, an excellent time to be had.
• 5 Stars; almost impossible, I probably can't afford to go anyway.